Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Pssshtt… good sir, I think you are highly mistaken.
Now that I’ve had 2.5 months to reflect on this breakup thing, I think I’ve come to some good realisations, and some bad realisations. And I’ve also realised I can be a complete fool when it comes to people I love. So here’s a summary of my ups and downs as well as my ridiculous thought processes that have kept me from sleeping and/or eating.
Month 1: Your initial reaction to the break up is:
Then I moved on to the next phase, where the majority of this month was spent in bed, balling my eyes out to any and every song that had a hint of sadness to it. The sadness of the song was quickly magnified by 439874548739345783643, and then crying got worse. The lyrics of Somebody to Love by Queen were pretty sad, but then songs like Thrift Shop had me weeping uncontrollably as well – seriously, what in Thrift Shop is even cry worthy? ugh. Every song was worth crying over. I was a big blob of boogers, tissues and tears. Of course, you wake up every day (after only 2-4 hours of sleep, mind you) and stay exactly in the same position, your brain is not functioning properly (because of lack of sleep) and you start thinking, and thinking and overthinking until you end up pulling a Bridget Jones, watching romcoms, drinking, crying and maybe humiliating yourself with your ex.
Throughout this first month you isolate yourself, ignore/turn off your phone, avoid human contact (talking to other people resulted in the attempt to appear normal, but then your quivering lower lip and tearing eyes turn into this major humiliating public breakdown, so naturally avoiding public setting and human interaction), and find out that you are spending more time talking to your cats than you are to people, but that’s ok… you kinda like it.
You try to convince yourself you don’t care anymore.
That lasts about 5 minutes.
But the reality is you are on a constant roller-coaster of emotions, day and night. You feel like going out to forget, thinking:
But once you get out, you realise it was a horrible mistake.
Convinced that this breakup has taught you one thing:
You crawl back into bed, trying to sleep, thinking and thinking and overthinking, until you text your ex some horrible/embarrassing/cringe-worthy text, and start the cycle all over again.